The internet can be whatever you want it to be. It can be an endless well of information, whether necessary or trivial, a source of entertainment during the dullest moments of your day, or a digital confession box you can spill your deepest secrets onto.
Of course, not every hidden truth is sinister and sordid. Some could be shallow and silly, much like what these people share on the Silly Confession subreddit. And with 36,000 weekly visitors, we can say that this online group is thriving from the less serious revelations from users all over the world.
Here are some of the posts that stood out to us. If you have similar stories to share, feel free to share them in the comments!
#1 I Stole 4 Years' Worth Of Toilet Paper At My Expensive College
When I was 17, I got a scholarship to a very expensive East Coast school, one you might have even heard of. Anyway, since I was so poor, in addition to the scholarship, I had to work 3 part-time jobs while going to school full-time, just to afford a [trashy] basement studio filled with cockroaches.
I hardly had money for food, much less toilet paper. The fancy school always had tons of toilet paper, and I found through trial and error that if I used my tiny mailbox key to turn the toilet paper roll lock, it would free the roll.
So every week I would go into stalls and take just ONE of the two toilet paper rolls (I didn't want to ever leave anyone in a lurch in the stall), put it in my backpack, and bring it home. The key even worked on those giant rolls they had, the ones that are like two feet in diameter. If I managed to nab one of those, it lasted me a month! But I'd have to sneak it out in a garbage bag, because it was too big to fit into my backpack.
I did this for the entire four years of college, and graduated with honors, although my internal honor was blackened by my thieving. I justified it to myself that the school was so overpriced and making so much money that they could afford to support the wiping of my ass for a few years. I still feel a little bad about it, even though it was over 20 years ago.
© Photo: theredqueentheory
#2 I've Been Feeding A Neighbor's Cat For Two Months Thinking It Was A Stray
Last week met the owner who has been worried sick about why her cat keeps refusing meals at home.
She's a fluffy grey cat who showed up at my back garden looking hungry and pitiful and I am not made of stone. I started with a little bit of chicken, then actual cat food, then she got her own bowl, then I named her Pepper.
Pepper has a home. Pepper has a name that is not Pepper. Pepper has been eating a full second dinner at my place every evening for months now and going home too full to touch her actual food and her owner, a very kind woman, has been quietly anxious about her health for most of that time.
Margaret and I had a very long conversation over the fence. I apologized extensively. She was gracious about it. Pepper sat between us looking completely unbothered. She has two dinners now officially. We worked it out. I'm not sure Pepper deserves her.
© Photo: Lahoma_Jali90
#3 I Whisper "Good Job" To My Toaster Every Morning
Every single time my toast pops up perfectly golden (which is like 70% of the time), I quietly say "good job, buddy" to the toaster like it's a loyal employee who nailed the quarterly report.
If it burns even a little, I just sigh and say "we'll get 'em next time" in a disappointed-dad voice.
I've been doing this alone in my kitchen for two years. No one knows. Except now you do.
Am I the only one giving kitchen appliances emotional support?
© Photo: SpecialGirl25
While these confessions are nothing serious, telling someone about them can feel like a relief. Dr. Beth Ribarsky, who specializes in interpersonal communication, says all forms of self-disclosure, even in an anonymous forum, can be a cathartic experience.
#4 Love When My Husband Is Sick
I know that sounds bad, but hear me out!
He works all the time, Work this, work that, our son this, our son that, Cooking here, Cooking there, I’m so grateful for everything he does, and I help out (I SWEAR.) I’ll take our son and we’ll hang out, or drop him off at his grandmas (husbands side.) I’ll grill on occasion to take over dinner, I can’t help with his work part though.
The only time he gets a break is when he’s sick, and I make sure he’s treated like a king in our bed, I feel like I’m immune to whatever he gets, I made sure the bed is comfortable, I’ll ran him baths and carry him myself to the tub, I re-wet his rag every 15-20 minutes, Make sure he’s in comfortable clothes.
He hates being sick, especially if pain is involved, and I hate that for him, but I love seeing him get rest, I make the food he wants, I make sure our son waves from the doorway, and his computer is close if he needs to meet a deadline.
I especially love bringing him food, He loves soup when sick, He’ll take a bite and shake his booty like a dog wagging it’s tail, and rest while I feed him, I hate how he feels when he’s sick, but I love seeing him rest when he can.
He gets really bossy when sick, but he’s so loving when I ‘complete my task’ (his words.) I’ll bring soup, and feed him, and he’ll talk in a sweet voice about how he loves me, and he’s so thankful, or I’ll help get him to the tub, and he’ll talk about how grateful he is that he gave me a chance, or how handsome I look when I’m sitting by the tub and waiting.
I’m definitely a dog for my husband, but I wouldn’t change it for a thing.
Edit: to clear things up: I’m a man too! I’m built and taller than my husband, while he’s slender and lean, He’s easy to pick up and carry around! I’m a tree, and he’s my squirrel. 😆
© Photo: Odd_Attention133
#5 I Kiss My Cat While Doing Push-UPS
My cat loves messing with me when I’m doing exercises. Particularly when I have to be on the ground. When I get to the push-ups, she just kinda… walks under me or flops under my face. How can I not give her sweet kisses?
It’s a great motivator! I get healthy, she gets to play.
© Photo: Ok7490
#6 Every Time I See A Kid Wandering Off With No Parents In Sight, I Yell: "Hey, Free Kid!"
Loud enough for any parents around to hear. Someone always comes running to fetch them, while giving me a dirty look, and it makes me laugh. It also may have saved a kid from getting lost or kidnapped, you never know.
© Photo: theredqueentheory
“If you’ve ever tried to hold in a secret, you know the stress it can create mentally, and in turn, physically. The mere act of disclosing can allow for the emotional release,” Dr. Ribarsky told Bored Panda.
#7 I Tried To Get My Own Number At A Bar
I (32f) had broken up with one of my first girlfriends about ten years ago. It ended messy and so I gathered a couple friends and went to the most poppin gay bar I could find.
Fast forward a couple hours and a few drinks later and there I am… edge of the dance floor. I’m on top of a chair, fresh drink in my hand, dancing my heart out.
I look across the sea of sweaty strangers and spot a girl, a beautiful girl. She looks at me back and I swear we have this indescribable moment. We start to wave and gesture at each other to come over to dance. I have my friends help me off my chair and I start walking towards her. I notice she does the same.
The butterflies are starting to spread in my stomach as we get closer. The lights are flashing, the smoke machine is working overtime and my eyes are a little fuzzy now and then but I never lose sight of her.
Finally, we’re nearly face-to-face, seperated only by a row of bar stools on the dance floor’s edge. We each have the same idea at the same time: one of us should crawl over them to the other. It’s obviously the right move.
Being a gentle-lady, I volunteer and get my knees on the stool and I reach my hand out for support as she reaches hers forward to help pull me over and then…
My hand makes impact. Not with the soft hands of a beautiful girl but of something hard and cold and flat. I look up and squint to see my own, quite disheveled, reflection staring back at me. I lift my hand to the mirror I forgot surrounds the dance floor and touch my face and watch the mirror do the same. I decide I should probably stop drinking for the night.
I return to my friends, still off in their own world dancing. They ask how it went and if I got her number. I told them no, I already have her number and proceed to tell them the tale of how I hit on myself. A tale they will never let me forget and rightfully so.
© Photo: Old-Alfalfa7232
#8 I Currently Have A Tampon In My Nose
When I get sick, my body releases a waterfall of clear mucous from my nose that does not stop for three days straight at least. I hate the sensation of my nose drilling immensely. I cannot stand it, and in my younger years I would simply put a washcloth down and lay on the offending nostril and let it drain while I slept. However, I got the idea last night to try shoving a cotton ball up there and see what happens. In less than an hour the cotton ball was entirely saturated and began dripping through the cotton, so I decided I needed something more absorbent. Enter the light tampon. Small enough to fit, large enough to soak up the icky. My mom thinks it's a bit odd but it's finally working, so I don't really care.
© Photo: Recent-Celebration86
#9 I'm A Grown Woman And I Share My Life With My Stuffed Animals
Yes, it might be embarrassing for some, but it's my way of relieving stress.
I'm 28 years old, have a career, and other commitments, like any adult. However, at the end of each day, before going to bed, I talk to my stuffed animals.
I have many, scattered across my bed and around the room. Some are old, some new, received as gifts from friends or purchased because they're adorable. All of them have become my audience in the bedroom.
They help me express myself in the most natural way, telling them everything that happened during the day. They don't understand what I'm saying, but I feel like they're listening. It's as if no one is judging me when I share private matters with them.
I also do other things in the bedroom, including saying goodbye to my stuffed animals before going to sleep.
I don't think there's anything wrong with this practice, but it might make me feel embarrassed if someone saw me doing it.
© Photo: Freegirl289
The internet can be a toxic space at times, given how easily people spew hate and negativity. But even so, Dr. Ribarsky says online platforms can remain a haven for people to share their secrets without the fear of judgment by their social circles.
#10 I Wore A Fake Mustache Shopping
My son got a mustache from Kindergarten last week and I wore his mustache when he asked me to. Haha it caused quite a stir, people couldn’t stop doing double takes. Some smiled, some tried to have no reaction, some complimented me. It was fun! 10/10 Would do it again. This one guy said “You get used to it tickling your nose.” Loved it. It was a real win for my fear of judgement.
Edit: I should qualify, I’m a woman.
#11 My Mother-In-Law Farted During A Fancy Dinner And I Can't Stop Laughing
My husband and I took the in-laws out for a nice dinner on Mother's Day. My mother-in-law is a very proper lady and is always insisting on good manners, so this was extra humorous. During dessert, I heard this low rumbling, and looked around, and it was coming from her. Suddenly, she let out the loudest and loooongest fart I have ever heard, it just kept on going, and going, and even the servers in the restaurant looked around for the sound, and then after a while it finally stopped, and there was complete silence around us. She turned red, and said, "Well, excuse me!" And my father-in-law burst out laughing, while I covered my laugh with a napkin and pretended it didn't happen. I felt bad for her so I made sure no one saw me laugh.
But as soon as we got home, my husband and I laughed and laughed about it. That is all.
© Photo: theredqueentheory
#12 I Say “Thank You Green Light” Every Time It Stays Green Until I’m Through It
There is one particular light on my way home that i swear when it sees me coming from way down the street it stays green until I’m through it!
I know that isn’t possible, but I thank it just the same.
© Photo: stefkay58
“Even though online readers might provide unwanted feedback, it still is a distanced response – that lack of immediacy can feel safe,” Dr. Ribarssky said. “And, if there are unwanted responses, it is as simple as deleting your confession to stop the comments.”
#13 Will Grill So I Can Watch My Husband Tan
As the title says, I don’t care for grilling, It’s the only time I really cook as my husband loves cooking inside, He enjoys baking and making anything pasta related to show off his skills to me, though he’s been really into making pizzas for me.
But sometimes, I’ll decide I want to grill hamburgers or hotdogs, or anything really, and he’ll decide to relax in the sun, I know this, which is the only reason I like to grill in the first place.
And he’s got these banana shorts that he wears, Don’t even remember where they came from but he loves wearing them while chilling out in the sun, and wear, oh god, He’s got banana glasses that match his shorts, I can’t stand them but he loves them, so I love them.
And while I’m watching him, our son chills in the kiddie pool, He’ll just lay there because he likes the warm water, I love grilling days.
© Photo: Odd_Attention133
#14 The String On The Public Bus Has A Function!?
My dad told me that the string on a public bus was an emergency brake. I didn't know he was pulling my leg until a couple years ago.
Im a full grown adult. now
I lived in a major city in the US with big public transportation, and I asked my dad what the strings were for. He told me there were an emergency brake. If we needed to brake urgently, that's how you tell the bus driver
It wasnt until my sophomore year of college, that I realized that it was an indicator for passengers wanting to get off at the next exit. I missed my exit three times before I finally saw someone else do it.
I told my parents about it and they laughed, saying they didn't want me pulling that string as a kid too many times and ruining the bus ride for everyone.
And now I feel super silly.
© Photo: tranquilovely
#15 When Everyone Thought I Was A Boy
F(29)When I was little, I thought I could cut my own hair.
Big mistake. I grabbed some scissors while playing and ended up with one side shorter than the other. My mom looked at me for five seconds in complete silence 🤬… then took me straight to the salon so they could cut it even shorter to “fix” the disaster. I cried the entire way there because I thought they were going to leave me completely bald.
The funniest part is that during that time I started wearing my brother’s clothes because they were more comfortable and already at home. Oversized shirts, loose shorts… the whole look. Some kids in the neighborhood who didn’t really know me thought I was a boy and played super rough with me during soccer games and street games.
I came home covered in scratches and bruises almost every week. A few tiny scars are still on my knees and elbows today. And because I cried dramatically every single time, some older kids started calling me “the crybaby of America” as a joke. At the time I hated it… now it honestly makes me laugh every time I remember it.
© Photo: Jealous-Purpose-5724
As the reader, you may also feel a closeness to the person sharing the secret, even though they are a complete stranger. As Dr. Ribarsky explained, it’s another way for online forums to create that sense of community among anonymous users.
“You are apt to see a confession that could be your very own – helping you feel less alone,” she said.
#16 I Thought I Won Actual Money
I have a funny confession. When I was a kid my classmate showed me a fun online trivia game — it’s kid-friendly version of wheel of fortune or something similar— and every time I got a question right, it would show on the corner of the screen how much “cash” I won. At the end of the game it’ll say the total.
And because I thought I won such and such, my gullible [self] thought the money would come out of the desktop CPU machine LMFAO. You know when you press the button to open the CD Hard drive on those old school CPU, I thought the cash would magically be there *delivered* after the game. So literally I…. opened the CD hard drive if a bill would come out there.
I was probably 6 or 7 at that time.
© Photo: ilikedisone
#17 I Pretended I Fainted
I have a confession to make.
I don’t know if anyone wants the full story but if anyone does let me know:
I went on a first date with an amazing guy, and I slipped walking into the restaurant. Instead of getting back up like a normal sane woman, I instead decided to pretend I fainted and didn’t get back up for like 5 minutes.
© Photo: Admirable-Try8083
#18 I Still Run To My Bed Like Something’s Chasing Me
When i turn off the lights i suddenly feel like i need to get to my bed very fast, so i do a quick run and jump like something invisible is right behind me. like just in case something decided to appear in that exact moment. I know nothing is there but i’m not taking any chances.
© Photo: Rouby_Hansley41
#19 Sometimes I Eat A Steak On My Bedroom Floor And Pretend I’m A Werewolf
who caught a lost hiker. Don't judge me, I already know.
© Photo: PigeonJuice22
#20 I Once Bought Two Cookies
One for me and one for my boyfriend and I ate both of them.
© Photo: tiarna_
#21 I'm A Grown Woman, In My Thirties, And I Still Say Hello To People Who Say Hello To Me On Television
Okay, this might be absolutely ridiculous, but I can't help myself.
Whenever I watch something on television or YouTube and a person on the screen waves at the camera, I automatically react. For example, raising your hand and waving like crazy at the computer or TV screen.
Yesterday I was watching a cooking video and the chef greeted me by saying: "hi guys!" and wishing everyone a good day, I responded instinctively, waving at the screen and saying “hello!” out loud, while I was all alone in my room, with no one else around me except those virtual pixels.
The most embarrassing thing about all this is that sometimes I even smile a little and nod, as if saying goodbye.
I'm a 28-year-old grown woman, with bills to pay, work deadlines, etc., yet I still say goodbye to pixels.
Is it me or do others do it too?
#22 I’m A Grown Woman Watching Bluey And I Haven’t Stopped Since Yesterday
I’m on Season 2 Episode 8. I have no children.
#23 I Lied About Having Underground Music Taste And Immediately Folded Under Pressure
Met this guy at a party and he asked what music I’m into. I wanted to sound mysterious and intellectually hot so I said “mostly underground artists.”
He got excited and asked who I listen to.
My mind went completely blank.
I panicked so hard that I looked him in the eyes and said “Ariana Grande.”
There was a full 4 seconds of silence before I tried to recover by saying “you probably haven’t heard her older stuff.”
I have not slept peacefully since.
Learn from me how to embarrass yourself...
© Photo: Ok_Macaroon_7820
#24 Hate My Husband's Lamp
I (38) and my husband (37) have been together since our early twenties.
We moved in after about two years of our relationship and he’s had the same lamp since forever.
He had a paranormal experience when he was younger, and he hasn’t been able to sleep in a dark room since, He HAS to have a light and I was fine with that.
But this lamp is blinding, There’s not enough descriptive words I can give you for how awful this lamp is.
I HATE this lamp, I have always hated this lamp, and half way through our relationship I realized, If we’re watching tv, He doesn’t turn the lamp on, If he dozes off with the tv on I’m safe from the evil lamp.
So, I’ve started making sure to start a movie or show whenever he’s about to sleep, and he doesn’t bother with the lamp.
Is this an easy fix? Yes, I could discuss how much I hate this lamp, but he’ll say,”It’s so pretty, and perfect for my desk.” So I have no heart taking this blindly lamp away, I can always put a pillow over my head. Lol.
I have other confessions, but this was the funniest one to me, A horrible, awful, blinding lamp I can’t stand.
© Photo: Odd_Attention133
#25 I Like To Flex My Laundry Folding Skills
I (F24) live in a shared student housing facility, and the entire building uses the same laundry room. Most people just take their laundry and fold/put it away in their rooms, but I like to fold it immediatly after taking it out of the machine. At first it was to avoid wrinkly bed sheets, but now it's turned into showing off my folding :) Everytime i fold my towels, bed sheets and especially my fitted sheets, I hope people notice how good I am at it. It makes no sense at all, and there's probably nobody that notices, but it feels like such a flex to put my perfectly folded laundry into my bag and bring it back into the elevator with me :)
© Photo: Lost-Somewhere9136
#26 Up Until Today My Avatar Was A Dude With A Moustache And I Had No Idea
I’m blind, so I use a screen reader to navigate apps and things. I pressed the random avatar button when I first made the account, so I had no idea what it was. I’ve been wondering for years why everyone keeps assuming I’m a man. It took some troll pointing it out in the middle of insulting me for me to work it out.
#27 I Have Been Pretending To Enjoy Wine For Nine Years At Dinner Parties And Work Events And I'm In Too Deep To Admit It Now
It started at my first proper work dinner at 24. Everyone was swirling and sniffing and saying things like "a bit oaky" and I panicked and joined in. I said something about tannins. I don't know what tannins are.
Now I'm 33 and I've been to hundreds of events where I hold a glass and nod and say things like "this is lovely, is it French?" and people seem satisfied. My partner knows. My partner is the only person alive who knows and I don't know how to stop lmao.
© Photo: Dollah_Debut91
#28 I Play Music Through Other People's Unsecured Speakers
Or computer or whatever Bluetooth device they have. I like to play something unhinged that will definitely get them looked at funny.
© Photo: ApproachingTheHill
#29 Thought I Was White For Years
So when I was younger I had a weird race thing like my dad grew up with me saying "Black girls hair is beautiful!" And stuff like that yk be proud of your culture.
However for some reason i thought everybody else in my family was black but I was white and adopted because my palms were lighter compared to my skin, I was lighter than my very very dark dad, and slightly lighter than my mom so I thought everyone was trying to make me feel welcomed in the family.
For years I wanted to actually be darker so I would fit in with my family and would be suprised when my skin got slightly darker during the summer. I also had issues drawing myself because I wasn't aware of my skin tone and everything was too light or dark.
The best way I can describe my skin tone now is sorta like a caramel type skin tone.
© Photo: Alexizking
#30 I Stole My Ex's Minecraft Account
While my ex and I were dating, she offhandedly said she wanted a Minecraft account so we could play together, so I bought her one for her birthday, but I used one of my backup email accounts so it would be a surprise. Two years later, we are no longer together, but one of the first things I did after we broke up was change the password. I feel no regrets over this, but my pettiness alone makes me chuckle.
© Photo: BasketSmall7777
#31 I Once Thought Chipmunks Were Baby Squirrels
Here me out, they have the little stripes on the back like fawns do and fawns lose the stripes when they grow into adult deer. Chipmunks also are smaller and have smaller tails. Squirrels are larger and have much bigger tails.
I know they are different now though haha, but you can't blame me too much for the confusion, right?
#32 I Don’t Watch The Reels People Send Me
Idk I just don’t wanna.
#33 I Refuse To Let The Microwave Hit Zero
I will literally dive across the kitchen to stop the microwave at 1 second. I don't know why, but letting it actually beep feels like a catastrophic failure on my part. I treat it like I'm defusing a bomb every single time.
#34 I Just Now Realized The Pixar Film Ratatouille Is Named That Because The Protagonist Is A Rat...
All this time I've just thought it was because it was a french dish they made in the movie and I just never thought much about the reason for the title. Good god.
#35 As A 28 Year Old Lady, I Still Cannot Watch Violent Scenes On TV Because My Reaction Will Be Similar To That Of A Frightened Child
Ok, this is really, really ridiculous but it's true.
At age 28, I am physically unable to watch any form of violence in any film/television show. The minute someone gets hit or attacked or fights happen, I have a complete meltdown and automatically flip the channel.
Just last night, I was watching an ordinary action film with my boyfriend. I flipped the channel at the very first sign of fighting and just left him sitting there with the remote in hand staring at me in shock.
I have done this with Game of Thrones, Marvel films and even cartoons. Once, I even flipped channels because of a cartoon due to someone being slightly slapped. They don't stop teasing me about that one.
It's obviously fake. It's clearly just an act. But something in my head goes "NOPE" and my hand acts on its own accord.
I am a grown adult who runs away from violence that isn't even hurting me.
#36 I Am Extremely Obnoxious In The Way I Cross The Street
As a kid, I was always (correctly) told to always check left-right-left before crossing the street. however, it always annoyed me that the same adults that would insist I need to do it wouldn't do it themselves. They'd just waltz right out into the parking lot because they're tall enough that a car will see and stop.
So for my entire life, I look EXTREMELY BLATANTLY left-right-left. I swivel my head a full 90-180-180 degrees, and when I have long hair like I do now, it whips around. It is impossible to say I did not look left-right-left. No subtlety. No little glance.
I do this so any kid who might be watching goes, "oh yeah, that's how you do it. adults do it. I'm cool for doing what that dude does."
I mean, in reality, the kids probably don't even notice. but if they do. they'll know checking both ways isn't for babies only.
© Photo: Valeriesaboyname
#37 I Always Wait 10-15 Minutes Before Going Into The Bathroom After Someone Else Uses It
It always irritates and makes me feel disgusted to use the bathroom after someone else uses it especially at home. So I just wait until after 10-15 minutes to use it for their scent to escape the bathroom regardless of how bad I have to go.
#38 I Pick Earthworms Off The Sidewalk When It Rains
Ever since I was a kid, I hated to see the worms come out in the rain and doom themselves by getting stranded on the sidewalk. Even as a grown woman, I will stop and gently move them back into the grass with a leaf, twig, or even my bare hands. I am sure the birds sometimes find them, but at least they are nourishing another creature that way instead of wasting away on the pavement!
© Photo: Chaos-theories
#39 When I Was A Kid I Thought Ducks Were Just Baby Geese
Not ducklings. Actual ducks. I thought every duck would eventually “grow up” into a goose like some kind of pokemon evolution.
I fully believed this until I was like 12 and confidently said it during biology class. The teacher just stared at me for a second and went “...what?”
I still think about the silence in that room sometimes.
© Photo: Dontae-Vixamar99
#40 I Lied To My Wife
She wants me to rotate my underwear when I put it away so I don’t always wear the same pairs. I tell her I rotate it, but I really don’t.
#41 I Like To Watch Cat Grooming Videos And Imagine That I Am The Cat
I bet getting brushed as a cat feels so good. I think that the upkeep of the hair on my own head is a bit much, I cannot imagine having hair EVERYWHERE. Imagining that my biggest problem is a hairdryer or bathtub is also a guilty pleasure. Not even in a cynical way, either. I would love to be a cat who experiences deep sorrow (by cat standards) due to such experiences. And to be expected to yowl and scratch at people about such things. And to have a stupid hat put on me to stop me from freaking all the way out, and for this hat to actually be effective. In that I only freak 2/3 of the way out. I bet getting the claws clipped is also relieving. I know I can't stand having my nails be long.
I am not picky about the type of cat I project myself into. Of course I will dabble in "best cat I have ever groomed." Naturally. But the meanest cat is not off of the table, either. I, too, would wish to scratch the hell out of whoever's fault it is that I'm soggy and looking pathetic. Without getting slapped back.
I want to know what having your ears scratched is like as a cat. I wonder if their feet are ticklish, which is why they don't let you touch them. I would also like to know what it is like to have a tail.
I'm also curious about the experiences of bald cats. I can't help but feel that it would feel very distinct from our (mostly) hairless human skin-having experience.
#42 I Thought Turkish Delight Was Some Sort Of Meat For An Embarrassingly Long Time
I only had the one vague memory of seeing it in Narnia and it wasn't until I finally got to see it in person as a young adult that I understood what exactly it was.
#43 "Bless You!"
I'm the one who yells, "BLESS YOU!" from the opposite end of Walmart because I heard someone sneeze... instinctually.
#44 I Have Been Pretending To Recognize A Song Within The First Two Seconds Of It Playing For My Entire Adult Life So People Don't Think I'm Uncultured
Someone plays something and everybody around them does this immediate recognition face and says oh this song and i just. join in. i make the face. i say oh this song. i have no idea what it is. i look it up later when no one's watching.
This has been going on since i was about 23, conveniently when I started working. it's just reflexive now. the face appears before my brain has even processed anything. i'm performing music recognition constantly and retaining none of it and the social cost of just saying i don't know this one apparently feels too high to find out what it actually is. Its so stupid yet sometimes i wish that they wont ask something after playing the song lol.
#45 I Had To Call A Client Named Jose...
That was the name on the paper. I was pretty young and.. pretty dumb. I called. A man answered. I said, "Hi. Can I speak to Joe See." Needless to say, I did not make the sale.
#46 I Trick People With My British Accent At New Jobs...
On two occasions I have worked at a place like Mariano's for like a few months in summers.
Im black and from Chicago, but I do a very convincing British accent. So when I go for the first interview I use it heavy and say I live elsewhere before moving here.
They eat it up every time, so from the first interview down to the last day I use it until I clock out for the last time. People are usually super confused and find the joke just as funny as I do.
© Photo: Appropriate_Crab_803
#47 I Loved Seaweed
When I was a little kid, kindergarten age or younger, I picked up the idea that kids don't like spinach. So the next time my parents served spinach I insisted I hated it and refused to eat it. My parents responded "oh, this isn't spinach, this is seaweed like Ariel eats in the little mermaid." I had no problem with that and continued to eat and enjoy it for the rest of my childhood.
In high school I was so excited to get my license and I would volunteer to go do the grocery shopping for the chance to drive. And so this led to me asking my mom where the seaweed is at the A&P, because I never see it when I was there.
#48 Random-Silly-Confessions
As a kid, most types of cake I had ever heard of were named after their flavors. Carrot cake. Chocolate cake. Etc.
So, as I grew up, I assumed that coffee cake was the same-a flavor, a…description.
When I was 21, I was at my parents’ house, and my mom finally asked me why I hated coffee cake.
”Well, I’ve never liked coffee! Why would I like cake that tastes like it?”
Laughter ensued as she explained what coffee cake actually is.
EDIT/FYI: It’s a cultural/regional thing, apparently, which I learned after posting this. I’m in the US. Here, “coffee cake” is…a breakfast or brunch item, traditionally eaten with coffee. It even has its own Wikipedia page…
#49 Cowbell Hit My Forehead And That’s Why I Like Mustaches
Back in 4th grade I was at a rodeo playing on my iPod touch. The bull’s bell fell off and somehow it got kicked up and launched into my forehead leaving a huge gash. Everyone was freaking out, and after EMS bandaged me as best as they could, I was on the opposite side of the emergency bay exit. 6 cowboys picked me up/walked with us over there. They were staring down at me asking if I was okay, and the only thing I could think of was how attractive they were and their mustaches. I only date men with mustaches and I think that scenario is the reason why. All the cowboys signed a shirt and gave it to me LOL!
#50 Silly Song Mis-Hearing
I thought the sad country ballad of Kenny Rogers song Lucille was
"With four hundred children and crops in the field"
Now that sadness would be legendary.
#51 Apricots Are A Thing
Until I was in my late 40s, I never knew that apricots were a standalone fruit. I'd only ever heard of them as dried fruits so I assumed that apricot was the name of a dried fruit, like a peach. My thinking that was raisins are the name of dried grapes and prunes are dried plums, apricots are the dried version of something. Was totally stunned to find that apricots are a thing.
#52 I Tried To Eat My Earbuds (Just Stupid)
For some context:
I was eating m&Ms earlier tonight, as I used some to decorate my gingerbread man. I really dislike the fireworks and the noise during Christmas, too. My wired headphones died and don't work not so long ago.
Anyway, so earlier tonight, as I went to bed I put on my earbuds like normal. When I wake up,One way or another, I could find the left one but the right one was nowhere to be found. And then, it clicked ...
I dreamt I was eating some m&ms, and there was this really hard one, that had a smaller m&m glued to it (the part that goes in the ear). I tried really hard to chew through it but just gave up and left it on the floor wanting to throw it away later. I didn't want my dream to be based on the truth, but ...
I checked where I left it on my dream, and there it was. And I'm like, god damn it. I use my phone's light and it has chew marks and it's case is open. I quickly put the case together and now I'm laying here questioning my life.
I've never had any sleepwalking problems or anything. It's the first time I dream of something that IS happening. This is so damn stupid and could've ended horribly if I tried a little bit harder with the m&m in my dream.
TLDR: I thought I was eating m&Ms in a dream but accidentally chewed on my earbuds and ruined them for life.
#53 NY Pigeons
For the first 13 years of my life, I thought pigeons only lived in New York.
#54 I'm Jealous Of My Brother Cuz My Cat Keeps Giving Him Attention
I BUY THAT UNGRATEFUL JERK FOOD, SNACKS, TREAT, I GIVE HIM PETS BUT NOOOOO HE WANTS MY BROTHER WHO FEEDS HIM FOOD WHENEVER MY CAT TRIES TO BOTHER HIM and when I see that little jerk sleep on my brother's chest i get so mad bro. I can't, is this how parents feel when children favor someone else??!?
#55 Pretty Girls Still Make Me Nervous
Earlier today I was at the grocery store when I saw two women shopping together whom I found very attractive. I’ve been recently watching a lot of hopeposting content and decided I wanted to tell these girls I thought they were pretty and wish them a good day. Just passing along some kindness.
I figured this would be easy — I’m a relatively confident person, and in my friend group I’m known to be the most flirtatious and bold when we go out to clubs & bars. But when I saw the girls again and steeled my nerves to go up and tell them what I planned, there was way more stuttering and tripping over my words than I had anticipated.
Eventually I got my words out, they said thank you, and I promptly walked away to continue my shopping. As soon as I turned the corner and was out of their sight I noticed that my legs were shaking incredibly hard. Even after a few minutes combing the rest of the aisles for the rest of my shopping list, my legs feel like jelly and my heart was pounding. But I also couldn’t stop myself from smiling like a little kid. Somehow just a simple act of complimenting strangers had me giddy all the way through my drive home.
I hope I didn’t make those girls uncomfortable with my comment, and that they actually did have a good rest of their day. I know it at least made my day a little better somehow.
#56 I Like Collecting Lost Items
I dont know if this is weird, but I like collecting people's lost things. Whenever I walk in the streets and see an item that was clearly lost on the ground I pick it up and keep it. I dont usually collect anything that has a large value, just small maybe personal items like keychains, small toys, lipsticks, cheap rings etc.. I dont use them ever but I keep and collect them, I usually wonder about who lost it and I dont try to return them unless the person just dropped it or it has big value. It never came to my mind that it was maybe strange until I did it in front of friend and they looked at me weird when I explained this(the item was a keychain in the shape of a pink lizard). I just wanted to share this thought, is it really that weird? Does anyone else do it?
#57 Used To Think Neutering Meant Chopping Everything
When people told me they neutered their pets, I automatically thought,”Wow, Harsh.” Because I thought it meant EVERYTHING went, All of it.
I don’t know why I didn’t even think,”Well, That doesn’t make sense.” And sometimes I’d see a dog, I knew was neutered, and think,”How does it urinate?”
#58 I Used To Think Patrick Swayze And Patrick Stewart Were The Same Person
I had no idea that Patrick Swayze passed away young and haven't really seen any of his movies, so in my head I just thought that Patrick Stewart was Patrick swayze but older. For Halloween this year, my wife and I went to go see Green Room, an excellent horror movie starring Patrick Stewart, in theaters and I said Patrick Swayze is great in this. My wife asked if I meant Patrick Stewart and my world broke.
#59 "Why Do Y'all Fart So Much?"
Back in my teens, my boyfriend at the time and most of the rest of my friend group at the time did NOT get along. In retrospect I actually can't entirely blame them because he was not the easiest guy to get along with back then.
But of course, in my love-drunk 17 year old mind, he could do no wrong and all these people just didn't understand him like I did! So one day, a bunch of them were tag-teaming on talking crap about him in the group chat. Love-drunk 17 year old self sees this and immediately perceives it as gross slander against my beloved.
So what did I do about it? Well, I had what I thought was the brilliant idea to "create a diversion". And the diversion in question? To post "Why do y'all fart so much?" out of nowhere in the group chat!
It worked! For all of maybe 2 minutes. People were confused, offended, and just plain unsure how to respond to that. Then one girl clapped back with "Maybe you should worry less about our farting habits and more about your problematic boyfriend!"
And the trash talk resumed. I told myself that I had made a valiant attempt, at least!
#60 When People Talked About Mohair Clothing, I Thought They Said Mole Hair
Which made sense to me since moles are very soft, if you're ever touched one.
#61 Old People Name
When I was a child I used to believe that when you reach a certain age you had to pick your “old people name” to go by.
#62 Cottage Cheese
When I get the craving for it, I’ll eat an entire 16oz container of cottage cheese.
#63 I Love Jumpscaring My Husband
My husband is a speed racer, He walks fast anywhere, even just downstairs to get a snack, He wants to get there and get back quick!
So it’s easy for me to know where he’s at, and sometimes I won’t even have to do anything but stand around the corner, He’ll come around quickly and gasp, before he huffs and says,”Stop it!” Before I chase him around.
I love doing it, It’s like no matter how much I’ve exposed him to my ‘jumpscaring’, He doesn’t ever expect it, He’ll walk around the corner of a doorway, and boom! I’m there.
I think he enjoys the thrill too because of me chasing him afterwards, but he gets embarrassed by being scared since I always do it. Lol.
#64 Everytime I Drink Something, I Always Make The “Gulp” Sound And I Don’t Know How Stop
I remember being little and watching Full House, there was an episode where Michelle did the gulp sound when drinking water, I tried it once and from there never stopped. I’m so embarassed to drink things in front of people.
#65 I Microwave My Coffee Three Times Every Morning Because I Keep Forgetting To Drink It
Every single morning i pour a fresh cup of coffee. then i get distracted by emails or my phone or just staring into space. it gets cold. i microwave it for 30 seconds. sit down. get distracted again. microwave it again. by the time i actually finish my coffee it's been reheated at least three times. sometimes four. i know i could just drink it faster. i know this is a ridiculous problem to have. but here i am. living this life. my coworkeer saw me do it once and asked if i was okay. i said yes but i don't think she believed me. anyone else do this or am i alone in my lukewarm shame?
#66 I Thought Banoffee Was A Place In Canada
I thought those lovely pies, you know, the ones with Banana and Toffee - I thought they came from Banoffee, Canada. I found out there is no such place, and it's just named after the ingredients.
#67 Sometimes I Insult My Dog
Because I think it is funny she doesn't know what I'm really saying, but then start apologizing to her profusely afterward.
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